In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
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One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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