i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
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well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
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He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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