I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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