My cat gives me a boner
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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