I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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