Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
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Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
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Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize