I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize