he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
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