Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
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all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
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But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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