but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Liz is crying about burritos again.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
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