well I can't set my house on fire every night
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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