I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
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I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
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I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
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