I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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