worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
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The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
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I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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