if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
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did i walk over a car last night?
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
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I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
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