I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
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He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
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Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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