You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize