I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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