...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
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she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
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This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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