I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
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