in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
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Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Boobs speak an international language.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
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My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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