Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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