you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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