Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
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I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
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This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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