I'm sorry my penis didn't work
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
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You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
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I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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