Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize