Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize