So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
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