in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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