Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
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