my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He felt like a one man threesome
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize