I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize