Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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