i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
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