I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
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She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
The air was thick with penises
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
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I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
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