I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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