I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
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he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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