Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
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Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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