My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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