Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize