My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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