Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
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He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
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we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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