Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
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There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
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