My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize