My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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