hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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