tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
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Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
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I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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