Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
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