I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
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