They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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